Sam opened her eyes. "Where am I"? she thought. She felt a
bit disorientated as she searched the room for a familiar
face.  She saw her mother, sitting on the chair next to her.
She was asleep, beautiful as ever. Sam tried to speak, but
she couldn't. After the third try she finally managed to
make a little sound.  Her mother woke up in dismay. She had
changed.  Her eyes were red, black circles under them, she
lost weight and looked as if she had aged by a thousand
years.  Her mother looked at Sam in disbelief and jumped out
to her, putting her arms around her, crying. Later Sam found
out that she had been in a coma for 4 years. 4 years.
Sam remembered quite clearly what had happened 4 years
before that day. She was fifteen years old. It was a Monday
and she and her best friend Sadie had gone shopping. They
talked about Saturday night, when they had gone out to a pub
together. They got some fake IDs from a bloke they knew for
£20 each. At the pub they started talking with two cute
guys. Sadie talked to a guy with short black hair and a
little beard. Sam was talking to a guy called Durrell. He
was Irish and had come to London to study. The guys bought
them drinks and gave them their phone numbers.  Sam and
Sadie talked about the idea of going out with 19 years old
boys. They decided to concentrate on that amazing top they
were going to buy at "Top Shop" that day, it was green and
had cost £20 so they were going to share it. They were
laughing as they heard a car speeding by. Bright light, car
wheels scraping the pavement, the noise of an engine running
and then complete silence. Nothing. It seemed as if the
birds had stopped singing, the people froze and the cars
disappeared.  Sam looked down. Sadie lay there, smoke coming
out of the burnt flesh and blood dripping from her mouth.
She could hear her heart racing, Sadie looked at her,
smiling her little beautiful smile when she twitched and her
body loosened. Her head fell back, her hands slackened and
her legs spread a little. And then the voices came back.
Loud. Nothing clear. Nothing made sense. Just a lot of very
loud voices.  She grabbed Sadie. Tried to lift her up. Take
her away from all of this horrible noise. She looked around.
There was a big crowd around. It looked like they were
trying to talk to her. Their lips were moving but nothing
clear came out. All she could hear was Sadie's last words.
She grabbed her again and thought how to get out of there.
She wanted to take Sadie home. Can't these people see she's
sick? She felt like a trapped animal. A constable was coming
towards her. She didn't recognized his uniforms but she had
a bad feeling about him. He wants to talk to her about the
fake ID. She wanted to run but couldn't move. Another
constable put his hand on her arm. She had no where to run.
She hugged Sadie, standing there, between the policemen,
with no where to go, nowhere to run or hide. That horrible
feeling of helplessness filled her.
Years after, wrapped in her long black coat, walking down
the street she thought to herself, like many times before,
why she woke up after four years. She tried to remember what
she had dreamt about. But she couldn't. she wanted so badly
to forget her past but couldn't. now, 23 years old, as she
was walking down the street all she could hear was the
wheels and the engine. And then that dreadful silence again.
No noise could break through that wall of silence. She could
only hear the words of that actress. She couldn't remember
her name. The actress described  herself as a living ghost,
the wind blowing between her ears and her eye chimneys. She
felt her body as an empty shell. The only feeling she could
feel was pain and great emptiness.  Alone in the world. She
was up against the world with nothing to hold on to.  She
could be taken out with a finger.  Empty vessel that life
had been drain out of.  And she could never run away from
that feeling. A lifetime of emptiness.
But now she had to move on. It has been eight years since
the accident.
Sam had decided to try and get a job. She had completed her
A levels with a good average but had never tried to apply to
any of the universities.  Before Sadie died she had wonted
to be a doctor. But everything's different. The though of
losing more lives was unbearable. She was amazed that she
hadn't killed herself by now. she always thought of Sadie
and her as one. When one of them goes the other will too.
In the past she couldn't bear the thought of such awful
loneliness. many times after she had woke up she lay awake
in bed, crying herself to sleep, reliving that moment.
Seeing Sadie. Hearing her voice. Feeling the blood dripping
on her arm.
At her first year back at school she used to sit, listening
to a boring lecture by some teacher when suddenly his voice
would fade away and she could hear the car wheels again. She
was looking at the teacher and seeing Sadie. She felt the
shiver going through her spine, feeling the big chunk stuck
in her throat and all of her thoughts would disappear. After
a few minutes she'd come back to herself again get back to
the lecture.
She had decided she'd try to find a job at one of the
stores. She passed by a little Tea shop on Neal street and
saw they were looking for workers. It wasn't much but it was
a start.  The manager had explained that it's minimum wages
and flexible shifts. She had promised to call him back with
her answer that evening and took a business card. On her way
home she thought about getting back to school. She thought
about photography. She had a tendency to see events as
pictures. Kids playing in the yard. Old ladies taking a
walk. A dog bark. Everything was framed in her mind. Maybe
she should try directing videos. Anyway, it's going to be
something related to photography. The outside look on
others. Her attempt to translate her thoughts to others by
capturing moments in her life. She'd go to one of the art
schools later to get some more information.
Sam got a job at the crappy little tea shop, but she was
happier now. She still dreamt about Sadie from time to time,
but the dreams were less vivid now. Before,  she could
actually feel Sadie touching her. She started seeing a
therapist every week. She thought he would help her to get
on with her life.
She was earnestly thinking about taking the photography
course at St Martins College of art and earned enough money
at the tea shop to start. She quite enjoyed working there.
Her boss' name was James and the other girl working with her
was named Alex. She was a nice girl from up north and Sam
found her a most interesting companion  so they started to
hang out together.
Alex knew some of the best pubs around and they sat together
and chatted for hours. The conversations with her were quite
stimulating. She was 26 years old, and was married for 4
years. She got married when she was 19 to her high school
sweetheart named George. They grew up together as best
friends and somehow got together when they were in high
school. They were married only a year when Alex got pregnant
and they'd decided to have an abortion. Three  years later
they tried to have a baby again. But she couldn't. It tuned
out that the abortion injured her. So she can't have babies
ever and George dumps her. Alex, heart broken and crushed
had decided to run away and came to London to find her luck.

Time does heal. After a long time Sam started living again.
She had a job, had made some new friends, started her course
in photography. It seemed like it's all finally falling into
place. The only thing missing in her life was someone who'd
love her. Ever since the accident she couldn't let anyone
near her. She was 24 years old and still a virgin. She never
really thought of it. Never had time to, I guess. But now,
after all this time she did have time. And she did. All the
time. She checked out her classmates, the customers that
came into the tea shop and the guys at the pub. It was
weird. After years of loneliness she finally wanted someone
to love or at least care for.
And then, one day, just like in a fairy tail, he came. His
name was Charles, he was an architect and quite a lovely
guy. He said he'd stay with her until the day she dies. He
first came into the shop and bought some tea, their fingers
met when she handed him the change. Then, every Monday and
Friday he came back. Always with a little present. One day
he waited for her outside with a big red rose. They went
back to his place, had pasta and wine. He showed her some
pictures of the buildings he had designed. A black crow sat
on the window and looked at them. He cried when they kissed.
Then flew away when they had sex. Hours later, she was
leaving, leaving a note that she hoped would say more. On
her way home she bought her Marlboro Lights 10 pack and
smoked them,  looking up at the sky she saw the moon. It
looked like a picture, as if it was made of cheese.  When
she got to her flat she saw the crow again. It was circling
around her when she suddenly heard him scream. A track had
ran into him. She gazed at him. The crow was lying on the
grass. A big smile had speared on her face. She knew what to
do now. She was humming a divine comedy song when she got
into her house and opened the top drawer. "just as long as
we are together for now and forever we can't be anything
other than happpppppy..." she opened her mouth again
after the last word and squeezed the trigger.