I don't think you know, or will ever know, how much you hurt
me. Not once, but twice, you succeeded in getting me all
worked up, excited, head-over-heels and then crushing me.
Burning me, breaking me to pieces.
I don't know what it is about you that gets me every time. I
guess I'm a sucker for sweet-talking idiots. Yes my dear,
you were a jerk. A complete jerk. I can't understand how you
can beg me to come over one night and the next morning break
up with me. It seems you go by moods. One minute you feel
one thing and the next moment you feel completely
differently. The things you said, you did, and you showed...
you are beyond my understanding. No matter how much I try,
tried - I guess you just don't want to be understood.  
You keep telling me that you know how I feel, that the same
thing happened to you. Well in that case - how the hell con
you be so cruel? You knew what you were doing. You knew what
would happen but you went on and did it anyway.
I trusted you, Believed you and once again you have left me
speechless.
I tried so hard... I actually think I did a bloody good job
but you see what you want and think what you want according
to yourself, instead of reality. I don't admire you. I don't
think you are G-d. I think that you are terrified about
falling in love again. Terrified that history will repeat
itself... well you know what? It did! But this time you were
the one hurting, not being hurt. I wish I could see what's
going on in that flight-sick mind of yours.
I truly think that you are scared. Scared that someone might
hurt you again, so the minute you feel something...anything
- you cut. You stop it so you won't have to take the chance.
Well baby, if you don't take the chance you will never
succeed. "NO PAIN NO GAIN," that is how the saying goes.
At the beginning of this relationship I wrote to myself:
"how could one who hurt me so much love me just the same?"
well, I guess I now have my answer. He can't.