There I stood, above the world, looking down at the faraway
naked ground. A long distance down.
It can kill me, I thought, however, even if it's rare, it
can cause more damage and pain to my soul as well as to my
body and name. Yet, maybe this kind of pain is less painful
than the one I face right now?!
I have no courage to try; something is taking me back in
time. I have this feeling that something is going to happen,
something that will change my life, as well as the others.
I can't explain what I feel, its joy messed up with this
terrible anger, it's the knowledge of the emptiness, that's
the way I see it.

I lied on the roof, under the stars, I felt as if the whole
universe was out there, in the fresh air of the lonely
night.

She said that I'm to young to understand my feelings, I'm
pretty sure she meant to say, that I'm too young to live.
She thinks that I'm living alone, not alone without any one,
alone without the awareness to the existence of no other
living being. The opposite is right, I do want no one to
suffer, I'm aware of all the problems of others, I try to
help, I do.
I have some principles of my own, to play around many
people, but not because I'm too good for them, because of
the simple reason, I DON'T WANT TO BE HURT!
But mom, I'm so alone, can't you see it?! You suppose to
feel when I feel, to cry when I'm sad, to know when I don't
know, you don't even care,  I'm sure it's not my big
imagination talking right now, it's the truth, the way I
feel it, the way I see it, there is no other way for my
heart.
You asked me so many times how can I expect your existence
when I don't let you in my life, you had never tried.

I hate you all, my family as others insists to call it. Why
do you always make me feel so bad, so bad about myself?! To
feel so not worth this life, someone gave me, seven teen
years ago, not god, I don't believe in him any more, even if
I want to. And not my parents, I deny their value in my
life.
I can't stand to wake up with this feeling that maybe today
something will be different and then fall asleep with the
feeling that everything is exactly the same.

Why can't they understand that I want to forget who I am as
long as I can?! I don't want to think, not about the future,
and not about the present as well.