Hey kid. How are you?
I miss you so much, I couldn't sleep.
Only lately am I beginning to understand that you
realy left.
That you're really not here anymore.
It's very hard, I sometimes realize it, sometimes I don't.
It's like I had been separated into two different people.
I wonder where you are and what you are doing.
Whether you are alone or not.
At a party or at home.
Home alone or with friends.
Home alone or with a friend.
Home alone or with a female friend.

This world seems like a lie.
Everything we had, I never thought it would end.
Always believed I could somehow hold us together.
But I couldn't.
I feel so angry and betrayed.
I thought you loved me.
And I somehow still think you do.
But how could it possibly be?
If you had loved me,
wouldn't you want me in your arms right now?
Wouldn't you want to hang out with me?
Talk to me? Touch my hair?
I miss our time together,
when everything was right and cheerful.
I miss the way you loved me at the beginning,
when we first met.

But at some point, while I wasn't ready,
it just disappeared, faded away into thin air.
Your love disappeared.
My baby had vanished from my eyes,
and I couldn't find him anymore.
I still can't, feels like he died.
But you promised he'd come back, so why?
I don't understand how a person, who claims to love someone,
leaves him.
If you love me, how can you stand to be away from me?
That's why it all seems like this enormous horrible lie.
I feel so hurt and betrayed.

Sometimes I get angry,
but then as always, I melt by the thought of you.
It's all so confusing.
Why did it happen? Why did you do it?
Why must it be this way, and why must I feel this way?
The skies aren't blue anymore,
and the birds had stopped singing.
Nights are hell,
for the first time in my life I can't fall asleep.
It just seems so wrong,
lying all alone in this big old bed-
our bed, without you beside me,
sleeping, dreaming,  
breathing deeply under my skin.
Where did you go my love?
Where are you?
Didn't you love me?
Didn't you care?
Did you die or what?

I just don't know what to think or what to make of this.
I feel so sad.
And these tears, they shouldn't even be here!
So why are they?
I would like to turn back time,
and then turn it back all over again.
So I could feel you beside me forever.
Never thought I would feel this way,
I never thought you'd go away.
I'm so naive like you used to say.
You were the one who used to protect me.
But now my shield had done just the opposite,
and hurt me the most.

I drift further, life had stopped.
It's all so blurry and feels so empty, like a black dream.
I can't take this anymore.
I do go on with my life, like you had taught me to.
But there's this storm inside of me,
cold winds and heavy rain.
Are you happy now my love?
Is this what you really wanted?
Does life without me feel so much better,
like you said it would?
Didn't I make you feel good my love?
Didn't I make you happy?
At least at first?
When you treated me right, with respect,
and allowed me to love you?
I loved you so much and would have done anything for you.
I think you knew it, so why?
Was it this that made you go away?

Are you smiling now without me?
Do you feel better?
Are you happy with your decision?
So many questions are running endlessly,
carelessly in my mind.
I try to understand, I really do,
for the sake of me and you.
But I can't.
I thought it will be better in time,
cause they say time heals it all.
So why won't it heal my heart?
Would it ever?
Could it ever?
It's broken,
and I can't put the pieces back together again.
Hell, I can't even find them.
I miss your smell, your touch, your eyes, your voice.
I miss your smile, your body, your warmth.
Where did it all go?
Did you force it away? And if it's true, why did you?
Do you miss me? Do you need me?
Do you dream about me at night?

When you look at the sky, what do you see?
And do the birds still sing for you?
Do the stars shine for you? Is the moon smiling at you?
Does the sun keep you warm?

Do you smoke a lot? Do you write?
Do you want to burst in tears like I do,
when you think of me?
Don't you miss my skin? My voice? My smile? Our talks?
Would you even want to read this letter?

I don't expect your response,
I just had to let you know how I feel.
Had to tell you one last time what I think.
I think my pills are helpful.
I think I'm coming back to myself.
I recognize the old happy me again.
And I don't just say it like I used to,
when I wanted to satisfy you.
I think you could have stopped the fighting,
if you only wanted to.
All I asked was respectfulness.
All I asked was for you not to yell at everything.
All I asked was your patience and comprehension,
appreciation and awareness.
All I asked was to talk about what's on my heart.
And if you could have done that,
we would have been done talking a long time ago.

I read our ICQ history, and we used to be so happy.
Or at least I think we did.
I think we can have it back again, if you only wanted to.
I think nothing really stood in our way except us.
I think it could have been different.
I don't think there was something standing in our way,
that we couldn't have solved.
My heart has such intense, weariless and infinite powers,
when it comes to you.
There's nothing it couldn't conquer or overcome.

As for you, I hope you are happy, and that you show your
beautiful smile.
I hope you feel warm and safe,
and that life treats you right.
As for me kid, your happiness means the world to me.
So as long as you are happy my love, I will stand aside.
I don't think I am a lost cause as you once said,
I think something took you, my sunshine, away.