I can no longer ignore & accept
These words that escape me
At every opportunity

Why is it so hard for me
To exercise conformity
To my so called values & morality

I cannot stand it anymore
The decadence I so abhor
It throws my spirit to the floor
Bloody broken bruised & sore

I have lost all control over what I might do
These feelings & urges that I cannot subdue
That twist & scar & burn my heart
As they dance in me, waving pieces of you

They dance for me with your old grace
The way you'd dance in our lonely place
You animated my very soul with every step,
Every swing of your arm,
Caressing the air, stirring it into life

And when we were, when we used to be
Is something I will never see
What once I had, now over & done
Without which I can never become
What I could be when we were one

The way you made me come alive
The way you filled me up inside
Now you're gone, it went with you
What once came naturally I can no longer do
Where you once were is an empty void
A vacuum of feeling so empty, so cold

A hole that nothing could ever fill
Which slowly grows in strength of will
The only thing it wants to see
The total destruction of what once was me
For when I have become an empty hell
No substance or density to sustain the shell

I will simply implode
With no feeling to animate my skin or my smile
Nothing left to make me worth the world's while
It will crush me like an empty can
Dust in the everlasting infinite pressure
The very air straining to take my place
Now that you no longer illuminate it
With the brightness of your face

Wondering if you really exist
If you ever did
Outside the flights of my fancy
Fantasies of something
To help me escape
And in obsession, my true mistake -
Not in relinquishing my hold on you -
In my belief that you could be true.

Here I am, hollowed out
Eroded by my own self doubt
A sacrifice in the name of she -
In the love of someone who could never be.